NEW MOBILE SMS COLLECTION

A man's wife was dying. He was sitting by her bedside and holding her hand, and then in a tired voice she said, "There's something I must confess before I die." "No, there's nothing to confess," the husband murmured. "Please. I need to tell you . . . I had sex with your best friend and your brother and then your brother's best friend and your father." "I know, honey," the husband said. "That's why I poisoned you. Now just shut your eyes already!"

He went to the bakery first. He went up to the baker and said, "Can I have a bum?" "You mean a bun?" the baker asked. "Yes, a bum." The boy took the bun and left. He went to the hardware store next. He went up to the salesperson and said, "Can I have a fuckit?" "You mean a bucket?" the salesperson asked. "Yes, a fuckit." The boy took the bucket and left. Then he went to the pet store. He went up to the pet store owner and said, "Can I have a cockinspankit?" "You mean a cocker spaniel?" the pet store owner asked. "Yes, a cockinspankit." He took the cocker spaniel and left. But then his cocker spaniel ran away. The boy went up to a policeman and said, "Please, sir, can you hold my bum and fuckit so I can grab my cockinspankit?"

One day, the teacher called on her while she was taking a nap. "April, who created the universe?" When she didn't stir, Little Johnny, who sat behind her, jabbed her in the rear with a pin. "Oh God!!" she yelled. "Correct, April!" said the teacher. Later, the teacher called on her again. "Now, April, who is our Lord and Savior?" She was asleep still, so once again Little Johnny jabbed her in the rear with a pin. She immediately sat up and shouted, "Jesus Christ!!" "That's correct, April." Near the end of the class, the teacher asked her: "April, what did Eve say to Adam after she gave birth to their 23rd child?" Again, she had nodded off, so Johnny poked her with the pin once more. April jumped in the air and yelled, "If you stick that fucking thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half and stick it up your ass!!!" The teacher fainted