NEW MOBILE SMS COLLECTION

A woman was reading a newspaper when she heard a knock on the door. She opened it and saw a homeless guy standing there. He asked if he could spend a night or two there, and the woman said he could, as long as he didn't mess anything up. That night, the hobo looked around for something he could use as a blanket, and then he saw a clothesline outside the barn. He pulled a skirt off the clothesline and was about to head inside the barn when the woman ran outside. "Don't take my skirt in the barn!" she yelled. The hobo muttered an apology and put the skirt back. He was trying to fall asleep but a donkey kept wandering into the barn and bothering him. He wanted it to go away so he slapped the donkey. The woman ran back outside. "Don't slap my poor donkey! And don't do anything else like this either!" He apologized and tried to go to sleep after that. Then a cat walked into the barn and tried to curl up on his lap. It was a sweet cat, but he was allergic...

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.' She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

 The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."  Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!" Over dinner, Jill said to John, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!" "How did you meet this fellow?" John asked, very concerned. Jill said, "Well, we met by accident. I hit him with the car.....

Little Johnny walked into school one day carrying his pet cat. "Johnny, why do you have that cat with you?" the teacher asked. Johnny began crying and said, "My daddy told my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pussy as soon as Johnny leaves for school!'